Communication

We talk about communication all the time. But what is it really? I'm sure we have all heard that always changing percentage of verbal vs nonverbal communication.  But again, what is communication? It is verbal and nonverbal exchange in order to create a shared experience. I recently had an experience where I wanted to talk about something with someone in order to make a plan and figure out the details. At the time, I didn't realize the person I was talking to is not as much of a planner as I am. As the discussion continued, I could tell that they were becoming more and more upset. At that point I decided to drop the issue (even I then was frustrated at the lack of a conclusion) because I didn't want to cause any upset feelings, the situation didn't warrant pressing the issue.

How was I able to tell they were getting upset? Because of the nonverbal cues that were being displayed. The communication was leading to an unpleasant shared experience. It has been found that nonverbal communication, though not always as direct as verbal communication, it is much stronger. If someone is telling you something, but their behavior, tones, and actions are saying something else, people are more likely to believe the nonverbal communication. And, rightly so because that is what is typically true.

Males and females communicate differently. If you've ever seen the "its not about the nail" video, that is a good example of what I am talking about, though that is more addressing the way we approach thinking. But, the principle is the same. We are wired differently and because of that, we are going to go about doing things differently.

This is something that I have been surprised to realize about myself. I grew up with four brothers so generally speaking I feel like I can understand them fairly well, and sometimes find myself identifying with how they think more than how some of my female friends process thing. But, as I have had more exposure to different people, I find that I am definitely on the female side of thinking and communicating.  Some of this confusion with communication comes into effect when the nonverbal cues are subtle simply because of these differences we have. People will interpret their cues according to how they would mean them and how their gender would mean it. Unfortunately, this is usually an inefficient way of communicating because it does not lead to a shared experience.
This brings up another question. Can there be too much communication?

I think most people would agree that communication is vital for a healthy strong relationship. The question is, how do we know we are communicating effectively? We must be patient with each other. We need to keep our emotions at bay, particularly if they are negative. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and keep trying until you are all on the same page.